I think you will understand... I hope you do, one day

I am sick again. My body is aching so much, the pain is overwhelming. The only 2 ways I know is to cry and think. Crying allows you to have something even bigger to numb the pain. Whereas thinking allows your mind to flow free like how I’m feeling. At times like these, I feel I understand more of what he felt. Why he thought so much. Why the questions… Crying will only allow minimum release of pain, how much… you will only know when you’re in pain. When you start thinking without judgment your mind wanders free. It’s pretty much like astral projection. Go where you want to go without stares, negativity, burden of why you do such things. It feels extremely good to think sometimes. Then again I am lazy to open up the windows and doors.

I may have been too harsh the other day, please do understand the position I’m in. I didn’t understand that people grieved differently. When you’re lost, you get agitated. I now understand that you do not have the tools. You don’t know where to look because every direction is a dead end. The dead end is made by you. He opened the door, the path, but you shut him down. I don’t know if this is how you really feel but I now think I understand more. The pain. The humiliation, The judgement. Easily put… being sentenced life in prison or death without proper investigation and representation.

Ultimately, no one listened wholeheartedly without judgement before listening to the whole idea. You may have been too preoccupied with your life, and I don’t blame you because you have your life to lead. The only lesson that we should know and learn is to listen, to learn to feel, to analyze, to think positive before the negative, and lastly to open up to new experiences it may bring.

You will learn to understand what I’m yacking about. But to achieve that, please exercise patience. We do not need to rush through life for reality is all perception of thoughts.

I am still taking that walk of pain, but I know I will eventually live. Take your time…

If any part of this has offended you, I apologize and do hope you will understand my thoughts one day.