happy face for CNY
Chinese New Year is nearing. Everyday I wish that it wouldn't come. I battle restlessness day in day out. I know you don't understand. When I am restless I feel like shit. I feel I have no purpose in life. This year I will not be celebrating CNY as wholeheartedly as I normally would. I wish that I would but I know it will not come easy. I still want to cry every single day. Sometimes my heart doesn't know what to do, don't know how to deal with the pain. I try to push it away because my family is here by my side. I don't want them to feel like I didn't try hard enough. Day after day I put my happy face out but my sad face just wants to have a peek of the real world. I push my sad face back in.... I laugh so hard, so happy to suppress the pain. You may not know what I'm trying to say here because I'm trying to put them in words and not sound stupid all over again. Nmind what I have just said.
posted by cEntuRIoNniess @ 4:25 PM
1 Comments:
My dear, I am his aunt. There are no words to describe what you are going through and though we may think we understand, we don't; not all of it. I am so sorry. We are all grieving - it seems to be the only common denominator.I wish I had had the chance to know you - but this I know: he loved you so much and I am so glad he had this love.
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