Yet again

Yesterday I had to relive my life event. The one that happened in January. It was so innocent. He didn't know. I couldn't inform him then. He's now shocked at the reality of his dead friend. Whether he's really mourning, I have no idea. Is he really sad? Only God knows. Each time someone asks me about what actually happened, why, when, etc.... I can only tell them the gist of it. And the gist of it sounds like I'm the victim. Am I really? Or was I the main cause?
This will haunt me till the day comes.