PS. I love you

All alone in the room with no one to talk to except for the occasional few who decides to pop up on my screen. I have only slept for 5 hours and messages keep blaring in my ears. I don't know if I can/should fall back asleep. My time is screwed up; tired.

Does leaving by choice make it any easier? Easier to buy time?

PS. I love you

Yet again

Yesterday I had to relive my life event. The one that happened in January. It was so innocent. He didn't know. I couldn't inform him then. He's now shocked at the reality of his dead friend. Whether he's really mourning, I have no idea. Is he really sad? Only God knows. Each time someone asks me about what actually happened, why, when, etc.... I can only tell them the gist of it. And the gist of it sounds like I'm the victim. Am I really? Or was I the main cause?
This will haunt me till the day comes.

its been long

Thought I'd post something...

hi....

*mind is super blank now!*

*Blekkk**

I am updating my blog...

1. I have been feeling sleepy since morning.

2. I can't sleep till later.... I have an early morning flight.

3. Feeling bored always rides side by side sleepiness.

4. Housemates have all gone out. I have new housemate - Jason...

5. To counter boredom, I've decided to post pics.

6. Internet connection is too damn slow.

7. Take self pics

8. Internet connection has improved that wee bit.

9. Pics of my recent nonsense has been posted.

10. Uploading more self pics.

11. The ppl I've been chatting with has all gone away...

12. Still typing here.

13. Finally posting self pics

14. *blek*

just another day

I like being a piscean. Funny, but this is the first time I've ever heard anyone said so, what more from me. Pisceans are like chameleans, changing to when situations need us to. The sign of 2 fish swimming in opposite directions is pretty much like watching out for both sides of life, moving in water for ultimate agility, flexibility.

When Arvind was alive, I was the listener and he was the talker. He made alot of sense but people just didn't want to see it his way even when it was bluntly put right in front of them. It may be the simplest of thoughts, but mankind has evolved into beings that just love to make things difficult - culture, society, face value.
I miss him. I miss the way his brain worked (we had very engaging conversations together). I miss his presence.

While missing him, I notice I was doing alot of thinking - giving me sleepless nights. This was one thing that I never did when he was alive. I always told him not to think so much but he couldn't stop it. Thoughts just flow like a flooded river. No stopping it...
I felt like a sponge. I absorbed alot. I've taken so much from him it makes it harder to let go. I didn't have to.. but I just morphed into this person that gave him what he needed. But, there is always so much a sponge can take in. Although I am glad to have let him go, I still think of him.

Unfortunately this sponge has not stopped working. I naturally atune myself to other's (frequency?), work style, way of speaking. And then there are those who's negative vibe gets stopped at the door and some that makes me very tired, agitated, upset, angry... you name it.

Okay, maybe some of you understand and some don't... pls just bear with me as my writing skills aren't that good.

Pisces month

I was reading my horoscope recently... everything was rather general until I read the monthly horoscope. Everything seemed to fall into place. It mentioned my very low period of life, and how it is coming to see light, how work seems to be going well for me - chances of moving higher, financially getting better (i doubt), love sees the horizon, etc...
Sounds really general, but I kinda believe that it may/has happened to people with the same star sign just with different intensity. Or maybe I was seeing the brighter side of things, that I will move on or even moving on, and I was happy to read that. I don't know really know which it is... (if i don't make sense, it's because I'm writing this after surviving a flight)

In KL

I'm finally back here. I thought I was totally ready with all the excitement about going back to Singapore and KL. All this made my sleep all sleepless. I think too much. I dream too much. My escapism is all in my mind. I can do what I want and when I want. All in my favour. Is that even good?

I contemplated on coming back here 5 hrs before departure. 58% of me just didn't know if I could actually handle the whole situation. Yet I needed to be free of it. I didn't know what to do... And I finally got the support I needed.... coming from miles and miles away. Thank you Che! And now that I am here, writing, I don't really know if I am truly free or just digging and digging but to no avail.

There is really no outcome for this entry, I just wanted to write.


Anyhow, I am listening to Corinne Bailey Rae and she is just spectacular. Good music to write with. She just makes singing seem so simple and easy.

Good intentions gone with the wind... just like that

i would appreciate it if you could reciprocate and return arvind's stuff that's in your possession like he did yours. i honestly don't see any reason for you to cling on to them as it would only exacerbate the healing process. i don't know what transpired between you and him during the last few days of his life but i know this much, he must have been hurt beyond anything imaginable for him to resort to something that drastic. i don't wanna dwell on this issue anymore for it's pointless but i need closure and so does my family. there is nothing much left to say. we'll be leaving soon. please return his things asap.

rgds


murali balasundaram

** I thought Arvind's mind was wrong about everyting, but I now know why Arvind despised you. I need not explain myself further.